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post #1 of 6167 (permalink) Old 7th October 2003, 11:01 AM Thread Starter
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Joke Thread

Bloke I work with just sent this round:


So here's a joke my 15 year old daughter told me last night
on the way to music lesson. Damn near crashed the car, I can tell you.

Q: Whats the difference between a monkey and acid rain?
A: Nothing. They both fuck up trees.

Gobsmacked,




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post #2 of 6167 (permalink) Old 7th October 2003, 04:06 PM
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Kids are so precious


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post #3 of 6167 (permalink) Old 7th October 2003, 04:12 PM
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Q: Whats the similarity between girlfriends and clouds?

A: Sooner or later they will fuck off and it will be a beautiful day !!!
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I know it's a FireBlade - I used to have an SV!!!
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post #4 of 6167 (permalink) Old 7th October 2003, 06:48 PM
 
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not quite a joke, but this made me laugh until I cried .....


Someone recently was swapping driving test stories....

Thats not as funny as the one I heard who done their motor bike test, and to simulate the emergency stop the instructor asks you to drive around the block then he 'jumps' out at you from behind some cars.... only the damn fool instructor jumped out in front of someone else... who proceeded to get off his bike and hit him... :ryan: much to the amusement of the person taking the test.... who by this time was just coming around the corner......

priceless!
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post #5 of 6167 (permalink) Old 8th October 2003, 04:50 PM
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Sorry, bit long but this one turned up in my email today....and made me LOL
(...and hey lets not go off on the racist thing again!.....it's a joke!!)

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and
says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the
bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as
Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his
head and says.....
"Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"


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The thing about speed is that you can't catch the quick riders to ask them how they got so fast!
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post #6 of 6167 (permalink) Old 8th October 2003, 04:51 PM
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...and PART TWO:

Moment's later Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the
pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another
paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis,"
Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the
Edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and
shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the
bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says,...
"And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"


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The thing about speed is that you can't catch the quick riders to ask them how they got so fast!
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post #7 of 6167 (permalink) Old 8th October 2003, 04:52 PM
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...and PART THREE:

Paddy is just getting over the shock of loosing two friends when
Sean Og appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of
which he pulls a chicken.

Sean Og then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears
down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head -
"Fook that Lads. First der was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den
Seamus parrotshooting and now Sean Og and his fook'n hengliding!"


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The thing about speed is that you can't catch the quick riders to ask them how they got so fast!
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post #8 of 6167 (permalink) Old 8th October 2003, 06:22 PM
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Q. What's black and blue and floats in the Irish sea?

A. An Englishman after telling an Irish joke..............

if I have to explain.......................................you just wouldn't understand!
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post #9 of 6167 (permalink) Old 9th October 2003, 02:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by [email protected] 8 2003, 09:52 AM

...and PART THREE:

Paddy is just getting over the shock of loosing two friends when
Sean Og appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of
which he pulls a chicken.

Sean Og then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears
down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head -
"Fook that Lads. First der was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den
Seamus parrotshooting and now Sean Og and his fook'n hengliding!"
ROTFLMAO. Sorry Flip, I'm Irish in descent as well, but fuck. You can't help but laught at those...
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post #10 of 6167 (permalink) Old 9th October 2003, 07:30 AM
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You know no offence was meant Flipper....referring to Part One, I have an Irish mate called Gerry who lives in Co Antrim!


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The thing about speed is that you can't catch the quick riders to ask them how they got so fast!
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post #11 of 6167 (permalink) Old 9th October 2003, 02:39 PM
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Did you hear the joke about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil.

With apologies to all accountants.





And those with constipation.

"Hypocrisy isn't the Republicans' weakness. It's their platform" - Seth Myers
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post #12 of 6167 (permalink) Old 9th October 2003, 11:14 PM
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FYI Andy, Co. Antrim is in the UK , apologies to any nationalists out there


Come on chaps, I've got a thicker skin than that, You'd want to hear what I get called in work sometimes, had a good giggle myself actually no offence taken whatsoever

if I have to explain.......................................you just wouldn't understand!
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post #13 of 6167 (permalink) Old 10th October 2003, 08:29 AM Thread Starter
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Suitably purile for a friday.

Allow me to introduce to you
Weebl & Bob

I know it's weird but stick with it.
It's worth it.





If you can handle more, here's a few must see's in order...

Pie
Donkey
Wrong
Wee-lo



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Last edited by Bish; 23rd December 2014 at 08:31 PM. Reason: fixed broken links
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post #14 of 6167 (permalink) Old 10th October 2003, 09:55 AM
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LMAO!!!!!!

Rule Brittania!


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post #15 of 6167 (permalink) Old 10th October 2003, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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Happy Tree Friends
Cute, cuddly, and horribly wrong... It's the Happy Tree Friends!
They may be sugary sweet but there's no way they'll escape their horrible fate!
What chaos will these critters experience next?
Check out our episode selection to find out!
When it comes to animated mayhem, nothing beats Happy Tree Friends.

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